Anyone who fights will lose at times.
But is that a judgement of your worth? Not necessarily. Sometimes, a situation is so important that we must fight even if the odds against us are monstrous.
We must know our values. We must stand up for them. If we are afraid of a threat, if we let someone attack our loved ones, if we don’t protect our children, if we don’t uphold morality and principle, and if we don’t defend our own bodies, that is true failure. Survival is a priority. But it isn’t always the supreme one.
I was bullied a few times as a boy. I saw many other boys being bullied too. Here’s what I learned: never beg. It only delights the bully and they’ll hurt you more. Appeasement is worthless. Neville Chamberlain (1869–1940) failed. You might not win, but you can’t give in. At the very least: keep your dignity. If you’re going to get beat up, then don’t grovel. If you need to risk destruction to protect family and home, then do it.
I’ve faced ugly racism all my life, right up to the present day. I’m not going to be the victim they expect. Recently, someone in a Volvo tried to run me down as I was crossing the street. I trotted to the curb, but noticed that the car stopped abruptly behind me. The driver got out.
“Here we go,” I thought. So I turned to face him. It was some old white man. He looked at me, gasped, got back in his car and drove off. I don’t pretend that I look the least bit impressive. But as my master put it: “If I’m going to hell today, you’re going with me.”
Martial arts is about honor. It’s about keeping your ideals. It’s about never letting anyone attack your loved ones. It’s about not capitulating to insults, denigration, hatred, and exploitation. I’ve never had to raise a fist. But I have been tested with many micro-aggressions both in the United States and abroad. By dealing with them, I’ve prevented more serious confrontations.
Let me close with a more humorous story to leaven the mood.
I was at a jazz show with a female relative who was college-aged at the time. We were waiting in line for drinks. When I started going to shows, it was a wilder time than today and the audiences were much younger. To be with an attractive woman meant responding to rude remarks or fending off a drunken groper.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Here we go,” I thought. I’m going to have to pound some guy into the ground. I turned around.
An older man squinted at something over my shoulder. “Excuse me,” he said. “Can you hand me the menu? I can’t see it from here.”
So defense means moderating my own aggression too.